I've decided to focus more effort into documenting this beautiful life & have spent some of my free time looking back through old blog posts. I came across this & all I can do is sit here in awe of how wonderful Heavenly Father's plan for me truly is. I wrote this in June of last year & have left it in draft mode ever since. Today, I can look back on those days of hormones, a new baby, & the tenderness of being a new mama with my heart full. Our son has brought so much joy to our family & while my heart still aches for that little one who left too soon, I am so grateful for the experience of motherhood & all it has taught me.
Friends, it has been a while since I have written and boy has this past year brought some big changes. For starters, I've been working full time & enjoying (nearly) every minute of it. My sweet dear husband has completed his first year of his Master's program. Our first child was born! And I'm sure there have been plenty of other milestones along the way. All in all, this year has been one for the books.
Little baby Gio was born just a week and a half ago, & it has been a wild ride already. This boy just makes our hearts melt every time we see his sweet face. He is so calm and relaxed, & rarely cries (lucky me!). His presence alone has brought so much love & the Spirit fills our home so much more abundantly. We sure love our little guy!
Now that we're all caught up on the happenings of the year, let's take a minute to talk about some of the most tender moments of life. I've been thinking about this blog for a while now & wanting to get back into the routine of writing, but it just hasn't happened. Today, I opened my blog email account & saw an email from myself entitled "Pregnancy After Miscarriage." I won't post the whole thing, but I will say that the most sacred, tender times of my life have been during my pregnancies & in the short time I've enjoyed motherhood.
Around the last time I blogged [August of 2015], I suffered an early miscarriage at six weeks. We were devastated, but wanted to keep trying. When I got pregnant again shortly thereafter, I really struggled to enjoy the pregnancy. I spent nearly 20 weeks doubled over in front of a toilet, absolutely loving the morning sickness because it meant I was still pregnant. When my belly started to grow, I couldn't help but beam at the miracle happening inside my body. But with each upcoming appointment, the anxiety of "is everything going to be okay?" crept up. Seeing that tiny heartbeat on the monitor reassured me until the next month, when the anxiety would come again.
Even in the wake of loss & the fear of a new pregnancy, I was able to feel the love of my Heavenly Father. During the sadness & anger & confusion, I heard Him say to me that everything would be okay, & I believed Him. Everything didn't feel okay for what seemed like forever, but eventually it was & I could move forward.
The loss I & so many others have experienced can be crippling, but I know that even in the midst of heartache, the sun does shine. I am one of the lucky ones; I am able to hold my dear son in my arms, & the sting of miscarriage feels like a distant memory. What I know is that everyone can feel the loving embrace of God, & of those around us. Some of the most tender & sacred moments of my life have been when I have felt so lost & lonely, where my Savior has come to the rescue to bring me out of the depths of sorrow.
Keep pushing forward, allow yourself to grieve, find a secure support system. The sun will shine again.
"He sees us worthy of rescue. You may feel that your life is in ruins. You may have sinned. You may be afraid, angry, grieving, or tortured by doubt. But just as the Good Shepherd finds His lost sheep, if you will only lift up your heart to the Savior of the world, He will find you."
-President Dieter F. Uchtdorf
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